Amusing quotes

Taken from: http://www.dreamslaughter.com/BTB%2001.html

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
~ Stephen Roberts

They made a wasteland and called it peace.
~ Tacitus

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
~ Thomas Szasz

You know your god is man-made when he hates all the same people you do.
~ [Usenet]

We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes.
~ Gene Roddenberry

Kill a man, and you are an assassin. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone, and you are a god.
~ Jean Rostand

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.
~ Elbert G Hubbard

I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
~ Mohandas Gandhi

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
~ George Bernard Shaw

Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.
~ John Maynard Keynes

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.
~ Susan B. Anthony

If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side.
~ Orson Scott Card

It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.
~ Mother Teresa

If we'd been born where they were born and taught what they were taught, we would believe what they believe.
~ A church sign in Northern Ireland

Jehovah was not a moral god. He had all the vices and he lacked all the virtues. He generally carried out all his threats, but he never faithfully kept a promise.
~ Robert G. Ingersoll

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?
~ Mohandas Gandhi

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
~ Nietzsche

Humanity without religion is like a serial killer without a chainsaw.
~ Unknown

Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
~ Tom Robbins

Peace is over rated. Any slave can have peace. Just pick the cotton.
~ TheSong

Pain is certain, suffering is optional.
~ Buddha

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
~ Jack Gurney - "The Ruling Class"

When you give food to the poor, they call you a saint. When you ask why the poor have no food, they call you a communist.
~ Archbishop Helder Camara

I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, ‘If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?’ ‘No,’ said the priest, ‘not if you did not know.’ ‘Then why,’ asked the Eskimo earnestly, ‘did you tell me?’
~ Annie Dillard

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
~ Oscar Wilde

Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
~ Ambrose Bierce

In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.
~ Robert G. Ingersoll

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
~ Confucius

The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self.
~ Whitney Young

Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of awesome mystical power. We know this because they manage to be invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can't see them.
~ Steve Eley

The corporation is a true Frankenstein's monster, an artificial person run amok, responsible only to its own soulless self.
~ William Dugger

When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? It is because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind.
~ J. Krishnamurthi

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
~ Philip K. Dick

The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.
~ Sophocles

May your fondest wish be granted.
~ Traditional Chinese curse

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn't.
~ Mark Twain

Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
~ Andre Gide

In order to learn, one must change one's mind.
~ Orson Scott Card

Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
~ Benito Mussolini

There must be more to life than having everything.
~ Maurice Sendak

If we do not like the world the way it is, then it is because we are not okay the way we are.
~ deeshan

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.
~Vernon Saunders Law

It is your business, when the wall next door catches fire.
~ Horace

Once you have seen certain things, you can't un-see them, and seeing nothing is as political an act as seeing something.
~ Arundhati Roy

All I know is that I am not a Marxist.
~ Karl Marx

There is enough for man's need but not for man's greed.
~Mohandas Gandhi

Before you speak, ask yourself is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?
~ Shirdi Sai Bab

If you understand everything, you must be misinformed.
~ Japanese Proverb

Government is actually the worst failure of civilized man. There has never been a really good one, and even those that are most tolerable are arbitrary, cruel, grasping and unintelligent.
~ H. L. Mencken

if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten.
~ Jim Rohn

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
~ Albert Einstein

Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; or he can, but does not want to. If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked. If, as they say, God can abolish evil, and God really wants to do it, why is there evil in the world?
~ Epicurus

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
~ Voltaire

One death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
~ Josef Stalin

Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.
~ Albert Einstein

We can often do more for other men by trying to correct our own faults than by trying to correct theirs.
~ Francois Fenelon

News is what someone wants to suppress. Everything else is advertising.
~ Ex-NBC news president Rubin Frank

All warfare is based on deception.
~ Sun tzu

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?’
~ Quentin Crisp

The church tries to save sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.
~ Elbert Hubbard

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
~ Arthur Schopenhauer

There are three truths: my truth, your truth, and the truth.
~ Chinese proverb

If you pray for rain long enough, it eventually does fall. If you pray for floodwaters to abate, they eventually do. The same happens in the absence of prayers.
~ Steve Allen

Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science.
~ Gary Zukav

Do you love your Creator? Love your fellow beings first.
~ Prophet Muhammad

A treatise upon human nature: It is not contrary to reason to prefer the destruction of the whole world to the scratching of my finger.
~ David Hume

One-tenth of the folks run the world. One-tenth watch them run it, and the other eighty percent don't know what the hell's going on.
~ Jake Simmons

Why do we kill people who are killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
~ Holly Near

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.
~ Elwyn B. White

The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.
~ Sir R. F. Burton

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.
~ Sun tzu

In law a man is guilty when he violates the rights of another. In ethics he is guilty if he only thinks of doing so.
~ Immanuel Kant

Know thy enemy and know thy self and you will win a hundred battles.
~ Sun tzu

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
~ James Branch Cabell

Peace is only possible if men cease to place their happiness in the possession of things which cannot be shared.
~ Julien Benda

It may be necessary temporarily to accept a lesser evil, but one must never label a necessary evil as good.
~ Margaret Mead

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
~ Josh Billings

The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
~ George Orwell

War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that he too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost.
~ Karl Kraus

It is better to be generous than just. It is sometimes better to sympathize instead of trying to understand.
~ Pierre Lecompte de Nouy

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought.
~ Basho

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
~ Hector Berlioz

A man who is afraid will do anything.
~ Jawaharlal Nehru

Each of us is confined to a world of our own making.
~ Shawn Mikula

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
~ Albert Einstein

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves; it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
~ Agnes Repplier

Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Virtue is doing it.
~ David Starr Jordan

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
~ Robert Frost

When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
~ Lao tzu

The biggest conspiracy of all is the claim that there are no conspiracies!
~ Michael Rivero

Today it is fashionable to talk about the poor. Unfortunately, it is not fashionable to talk with them.
~ Mother Teresa

No man's knowledge here can go beyond his experience.
~ John A. Locke

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
~ Mark Twain

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
~ Ambrose Bierce

Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
~ Voltaire

When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn’t the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
~ Otto von Bismarck

Quarrels would not last long if only one side was wrong.
~ Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld

Philosophers have merely interpreted the world. The point is to change it.
~ Karl Marx

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
~ Napoleon

It is not what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.
~ Moliere

Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet.
~ Napoleon

Living is change; Growth is optional.
~ Juan Wa Chang

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
~ Jean Paul Sartre

Kindness is a mark of faith, and whoever has not kindness has not faith.
~ Prophet Muhammad

Always remember you are a totally unique individual; just like everyone else.
~ Unknown

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.
~ Henry Miller

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
~ Lao Tzu

I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
~ Persian proverb